multivxrse-theory:

theoldgirlsboys:

@multivxrse-theory (12/missy)

“Please… don’t go… I can’t do this alone… I-I don’t know what to do anymore.” He whispered.

His plea is so sincere, so heart-rending that it makes Missy freeze in place like some macabre living statue, barely even daring to breathe for fear of making a disastrous misstep – a manifestation of the living dead. Every moment she allows to while away, her past self disappears further into the distance, striding over the field without her.

She manages to move at last, revolving in one awkward turn to face her Theta. Looking into his sad eyes is a fatal mistake – the Doctor holds her heartstrings in his hands and he can almost puppeteer her, make her do any awkward dance he wants to make him proud of her again as he might once have been – so desperate is she to have her friend back as she had said in that graveyard, that she may be his chameleon if that is what it takes.

Take your heart back, her whole being sings, pleads, this is not good for you.

And that’s pitiful – she knows it is. Yet what can she do? Walk away, tell him no and watch him break because of her insufferable pride, into the arms of someone else who may well despise her for all these emotions, these changes? Repeatedly the Master had mocked her sentimentality, her femininity – what would give her the impression she would be treated any better even by her own dear self? Self-hatred comes in a wave that crashes over her head. She loves him, the her that is walking away, and you could call that self-love; but this self? Whatever pride had once held her spine straight and that confident smirk on her lips had disintegrated in that Vault.

Now she was just…lost. Someone who isn’t sure who she is from one moment to the next, someone who wants to give a heart to both of these men. But that isn’t how it works, is it? There has to be one way for him not to be her crutch, for her to be her own saviour.

“I…don’t want to go, but I don’t know if I can stay either, Theta.” Her confession is bold, raw, and bleeding. Ice blue eyes fill up with those tears she had become all too familiar with, fueled by the fear of what she is becoming and the loathing towards who she was and is. A Master whose fire is doused, Koschei the Deathless with no way to win. “I don’t want to keep changing – I want to be able to recognise myself. And here…that isn’t going to happen, is it?”

It’s cruel, to challenge a broken man this way – but if she thinks about it, she is the Mistress. And while she might cry sometimes now, while she’s less able to block the guilt out – she has never become kind. She is still the woman who has let millions die without even batting an eyelid before, who shoved a little girl into a volcano.

And the concept of one more SECOND wasted away in that vault is enough to make her want to scream. She has to garner some semblance of self-preservation once more, lest she let everything she has ever been become nothing. So she challenges him now; accept her and her moral grey, as she is, the best she can give, or she will walk away – towards her former self – and let the fates do what they may.

It had been a while now that he had realised that he done wrong,
by wanting to change Missy. Yes, He had realised this, yet did not know how to change it.

And now he stood pleading for her to stay with him,
Letting her choose, wether to leave him, this stupid old TimeLord,
Who did nothing but hurt her, or stay and give him another chance.

As he waited, he held his breath for her answer and his legs practically buckled at what she said, the weight of how badly he messed up, weighing him down.

He wrapped his arms around her waist as he pressed his face into her stomach,
apologising and hoping that some day she would forgive him for being a such a fool… an idiot as she called him not too long ago.

“It will, it will, i promise, oh Missy… Koschei… I was such a fool… Im sorry, Im so sorry… Ive realise for a while now that i shouldn’t be trying to change you…” His arms tightened slightly as if afraid that he would loose her.

“No… no, we- we are equals, in all way… you were right... back at the cemetery… we are not so different… and i too want my friend back…
Oh Koschei… How i wish it was once again those simple day, the days before i ran, when we were still planning to see the stars together… before i ruined everything for us… please, please… don’t leave me… Ill- Ill do better… because I do accept you and everything that is you…” He gasped out and he feel the tears falling from his eyes as he clung to her.

“Im a hypocrite, I know, Ive got plenty of blood on my hands as well… In some way, i thought, that if i could bring you to the ‘light’ then i could atone…
but im an idiot for thinking like that.. i am and I love you just the way you are… I don’t want you to change.”  He half sobbed.

He was trying not to fall apart even more, knowing that he would never got Missy’s past regeneration to stand with him and it hurt so much to see his love walk away from him… He just hoped that She too wouldn’t leave.